When We listen. So does HE.

                    Where to start? I could go back in time and give you dark and unfortunate details that have led to this blog. But that seems too cliche. Often times when people decide to start writing and sharing their thoughts with the masses, it's been inspired by something they have gone through. My story is no different. As far back as I can remember, I wanted to be a daddy. It started at a very early age. I was always the kid in the family that loved hanging out with the little kids. It could have been because I had two older brothers, and meaning something to the kids that were smaller or younger than myself was a good feeling. When I was 28 years old, my dream came true. In 2012 on Valentine's Day of all days, my first daughter was born. Harper Joyce entered my life and in less than a second she gave me a version of love that I had never experienced nor anticipated. When she opened her eyes for the very first time, she saw my face, when her ears began to work, she heard my voice. Her mother had a c-section so I was blessed enough to hold her first, to share her first moments. At that moment I felt instantly what God's love for me must really be like. About 3 years later Sadie Joann came along to join our journey. Once again blessed enough to share those important first moments (this time with mommy) with another child I had been gifted. My children are gifts, I did not earn them, I do not deserve them. But....They absolutely deserve me and I will explain that. 

          As with many relationships in today's dark world. Things did not work out with someone whom I really believed was my equal partner in life. I say it that way because I don't like using terms like ex. Initially, swallowing that pill seemed impossible. The world felt shattered and I had no idea where to start putting it back together. I knew I needed help and I knew where to get it for FREE! I decided right away that my children needed strength from me. They did not need to see weakness. Because like I said, They deserve me. All of me. Every effort. I committed myself to that gargantuan task. I prayed and prayed and prayed and prayed some more. I chose to handle my personal failures and feelings with love, compassion, respect, grace, and understanding. This is the point in the story where its seems "I" heavy. bare with me please. 

This is the part of the foundation of this tale is about the events that led to this point. On that note, I want to take this in a more positive direction. 

          The first step? Coming to genuine terms with the fact that I don't hate or want bad things to happen to anyone involved in the outcome of my relationship. I am confident that no one wanted to hurt me. It is 100% confirmed that Satan wanted to attack me anyway that he could because I had given him too much control already. I had lost the focus on keeping God at the forefront and it was way too late before I had realized it. I want people to be blessed, I want people to live with joy and love. I have very real forgiveness in my heart for everything and everyone. Life happens. We can either dwell on it, or we can use it. Use it to motivate us, to better us, to better the people that we love. 

          With that being said, I want to share with you 12 things that helped me and could help you with whatever you may be facing. Whether it's something that is causing you pain or stress. Or if it's something that you feel really good about and you are desperate to do anything not to mess up a great opportunity. 

1. LISTEN TO GOD. 

This cannot be more stress-fully stressed. God is always talking to you. He loves you, he is real, and he desires your attention more than you realize. You might think "He's a big God and he's got other people to worry about more than me." DO NOT!!! I repeat. DO NOT make that mistake. It will cost you dearly. Most importantly, do not listen to God just for answers. Listen to everything he tells you and don't pick out the stuff you want to hear. It will be tough but the immense help that it will bring you will be majestic. You will be in complete awe, I promise you. 

2. Grace, love, respect, compassion, and understanding towards those that have hurt you goes a long way towards your healing. 

This might seem impossible and completely unwelcome in your heart and mind. But if you do the opposite, you are only making yourself vulnerable to a guaranteed regret. Anger, pain, and hatred only lead to more anger, pain and hatred. These emotions harden your heart and they give you no room to heal. Convince yourself that you didn't deserve what happened to you and decide to be strong. Be a warrior, show the world that you are powerful. Your strength will attract amazing people towards you. It will give someone else strength. It will be your legacy when you are long gone. 

important note: If showing these emotions towards someone directly is not an option. Having/showing them in your heart will still help you. 

3. Say THIS instead of THAT. 

Many times throughout our struggles we are faced with moments where we could easily attack. I'm not talking about directly towards a certain person either. I mean, when you are talking with them or even about them. I have come to learn that we usually end up regretting our words far more than we regret our actions. Words are easier to spew out. Actions require a lot more work and happen far less often. It is important to remember that we cannot undo anything that has happened. We can not turn back time. We can simply move forward. Convincing ourselves that we somehow deserved negative things to happen is Satan's most powerful tool. That usually leads us to lash out. Be mindful of who is listening. Someone might have your complete confidence and they could still let something slip in casual conversation with someone who doesn't. So say this is instead of that is so huge. When you get to a point where saying something mean would be easy, it won't. Saying something respectful, or loving works better. It shows your strength and that's what this is all about. Your strength will impact someone who wronged you far deeper and for more good than your angry words.    

4. Consider your influence. 

Think of who's eyes, mind, heart, and ears are focused on you. After Listening to God, this was the biggest one for me. My children watch and hear everything I do because I don't hide from them. Even at 3 and 6 years old, they get all of me. Maybe you don't have kids. Maybe you live a pretty solo lifestyle. It doesn't matter. Someone always takes something away from how you live your life. It could be your neighbor, your favorite coffee barista, bartender, or your mail man. Exude light and you will receive light, exude darkness and you will receive darkness.  

5. It's not your fault. 

One of the most painful feelings I have ever felt in my life was convincing myself that I was to blame. This is not to say that I didn't have many things about me that worked negatively against me. But I certainly was not 100% to blame for the failures. Somehow I allowed myself to believe that I was. You have to dig deep and convince yourself without doubt that no one is to blame. Not you, not someone else. The blame falls on Satan. It's not because God forgot about you, it's because the enemy found a way in and convinced you that you suck. When you let your guard down he attacks harder and with swiftness. Nothing works out poorly unless his hand was in it. So remember to whom the blame can be directed and trust God to take away any doubt in yourself. 

6. You were being prepared for this change long before you knew.

When God want's to change the course of your life he begins preparing you (and others....I'll explain) long before anything happens. He begins to change little things here and there. Starts to show you clues of the storm. He takes certain people away from you. He begins to strengthen relationships you already have. He helps you change bad habits without your own realization of what's happening. But most importantly he gives you a strength that's just waiting to burst out and you don't even know that it's there. He knows you will experience pain and it breaks his heart. But his plan is place and it will not change to make us more comfortable. He wants us to be uncomfortable. We have to be for his outcome. On the topic of other people. At the same time that God has been preparing you without your knowledge, he has been working on other people to specifically put them in your life with complete and direct intent. He is a God of no mistakes. Don't overlook the impact of your new relationships as chance. Don't be surprised if he sends you examples of what you don't need. We have to be tested a little from time to time to make sure we are paying attention. Whether we want to or not, we have to embrace this change in us and all that comes with it. We have to take chances and we have to be okay with the outcome. We don't know the future but God does. Believe in his work and believe that he is not setting you up to fail again. He wants your success more than you do.  

7. You are not alone and your pain is not unique.

This came in handy for me. We all want to vent. We all want someone to listen to us. But in that quest we often forget that we could be preaching to the choir a little too much. Others who have experienced similar pain or failure want to hear you and they want to help you. But be mindful that they could be having their own struggles and you could be causing them anxiety. So as much as you want to talk, be just as excited to listen. Something as powerful as relating to someone is pretty unmatched when you are healing. We are limited as humans to really grasp the impact of certain things. We live fast, we talk fast, we drive fast. Slow down, remember that everyone has pain and show your strength that you are working so hard to maintain. Be a rock for someone and they will help you more than you could imagine. They won't just listen to you, they will be your rock.

8. Find something that makes you unique and express it as much as possible. 

Not everyone discovers this right away, but there is something inside you that makes you different than anyone else. You could be an artist, writer, power reader, good listener, auto mechanic, tech support for family and friends, good driver, great cook, or great cleaner/organizer. No matter what it is, you have something to give to this life. To share with others. Find it, use it, make it your purpose. I am blessed beyond my wildest dreams musically. God gave me a gift vocally, he gave me abilities with instruments, and he gave me a song writers mind. For years I held a lot of it back because I was focused on other things or people. As soon as I went to a dark place I used music to bring me back. I began writing songs, playing more worship in churches, and performing local gigs. Now I have daughters that know the words to my songs and they shout them in the car, I have friends that encourage me beyond belief to pursue the moon and settle for nothing less. Music is powerful and music heals. So chase your talents and make them heal you. Engulf yourself in the powerful healing of what your interests can bring you. 

9. Yesterday is the past. Leave it there. 

Yesterday already happened. There is no flux capacitor in your sports car to take you back and change things. The longer we live trying to change yesterday, the more we waste of today and tomorrow. We study history in school as a means of understanding how we got to where we are today, as a way of seeing how things "USED" to be. Treat yesterday the same way. Generalize everything negative about your past as yesterday. That's who you used to be. That is not who you are now. Remember the good stuff absolutely. Cherish the good, it may never be that good again. But holding on to the bad will only solidify that.  

10. Tomorrow is so much better. 

No matter what happens in life, we always have the comfort of knowing that tomorrow can and will be better if we allow it. We guard ourselves from allowing and embracing good change far too often. I know I'm guilty. We fear that as soon as good things start to happen, we have to go into defense mode for inevitable fall. Not the case. God works with intent and grace. He gives us no more than we are capable of carrying and he already brought you through yesterday. When you have doubt and fear about tomorrow, give it to God. He begs you to. He want's it. This is where his power thrives. Don't fear tomorrow because yesterday sucked. Make tomorrow your passion. 

11. God is in control, but so are YOU.  

We don't have to give the control to God because he's always had it. But we do have control of our decisions. We have control of our next move. We cannot live with regret. We cannot live by using half of our heart. We have to put our everything into our next move. Whether it's someone new, a new job, new cat, new car, getting clinical help, joining a support group, or giving up a vice. We have the control to make that call. God doesn't take that power away from us. If your heart is in it and your heart is close to him, he will reward you. You will feel rewarded and you forget more and more about yesterday. You will cherish what's happening in your life and become addicted to the power of his grace. 

12. When WE listen, So does HE.

We talk to God. We shout at him. We cry to him. Some curse him. But the most powerful and emotionally driven communication with God is to listen to him. We listen with the hope of instant reward or victory. But he doesn't listen the same way. He listens with desire to see the true depth of your cry. He is working on an answer as soon as we make the request. Like a place that promises not to cook your food until you order it. God knows the intent of our hearts. He knows what the outcome will be. He knows that we won't always like the outcome. But he gives us the power to call upon him, and to listen to him. Among the many promises that he has made us, he has promised to listen to us and to hear our cry. Never worry about your prayers falling on deaf ears. Never doubt the volume level of your voice. God is always listening and always has the answer. 

         These 12 things have helped me immensely. I did not copy this from any source other than my heart. I lived all 12 of them. I am still living them. There are so many more things to share but these made the most impact on me as I hope they do you.  God loves you, God wants to bless you, God has blessed you. 

-Adam